The Domain of Monkey Nose
by Wario the TableMan
Summary: Happy 23rd anniversary to the greatest television show ever to grace mortal eyes


It was a bright, sunny, shining, non-cloudy, blue skies kind of day on the dazzling sandy beaches of Kongo Bongo. Donkey Kong sat maxed and relaxed in his treehouse, eating bananas and sticking his toes up his nose.

Little Buddie Diddy Kong rang the doorbell. DK got up from his dumb idiot rear and hit the button to the barrel elevator. Diddy popped up with a wide smile on his wide face widely.

"How fares ya, Little Buddie?" asked Donkey Kong as he took another eating of his golden delicacy.

"DK, I have regained viability in Smash Ultimate. I think ZeRo will be my dad again!" said Diddy with a dangerous finger on his trusty Peanut Popgun.

"What are you doing?" asked DK with concern in his ape eyes.

"You slow me down, so I'mma finish you off right about now…" He then fired and killed DK with a deadly peanut of death.

"Hark! I have daisy-pushed!" cried DK as he held his wounded toe. It no longer provided nose exploration qualities.

"Somebody call Daddy Sakurai!" cried Diddy as he put a healing bandage upon the digit of olfactory wisdom.

"I have healed," said DK, no longer dead. He put another banana into his hand, peeled it like so, and indulged in the fruity flavours of beauty and grace.

But, UH-OH! Klump and Krusha were being ultra-sneaky in the bushes outside DK's house. They got a hammer and broke all the nails holding the treehouse up.

DK and Diddy came crashing down. DK felt like such a dunce, but Diddy felt like a genius.

"What fares us?" asked DK, rubbing his sore nose. He then got curious and dove right in.

"Wow! Where am I?" asked DK as he walked through the massive nasal corridors.

"You have entered the Domain of Monkey Nose," said Diddy, floating around the mucus falls with his psychic bubble. Diddy had ascended past all limits. He was now better and hotter than Cloud Strife.

"Well, Cloud was a geek anywho," said DK. He then did a really cool dance and Diddy started to sing.

"_Yo! We're here in my Big Buddie's nose!_

_Where did we come from?_

_Where did we goes?"_

"_Hey, Little Buddie! What is this place?"_

"_I told ya already!_

_We're inside your face!"_

"_Well, are there any bananas for me to eat?"_

"_NO!"_

"_Is there anything that would be a treat?"_

"_NADA!"_

"_Oh man! This really bites!_

_Now me and Candy are gonna get into fights!"_

And just as Donkey Kong predicted through his righteous vocal cords of sheer Sterling Jarvis energy, Candy entered the Domain of Monkey Nose, wielding a crowbar.

"Oy, what 'ave we 'ere?" asked Diddy, feeling his Skittles melt in between his teeth and damaging his simian gumline with artificial dyes.

"Oh! I hate that Donkey Kong!" roared Candy.

"Holy Coke versus Pepsi!" squealed DK. He quickly used his nose powers to inhale the crowbar. He turned it into a Yoshi Egg through the amazing wonders of his leftmost cornea.

Candy saw DK's hot cornea and fell in love. "But you still are not as hot as Leonardo Di-Ape-Rio!" she said as she booked it to the barrel factory.

Bluster was inside the factory. He was busy stacking handmade chickens on his microwave oven display. He was really rocking the new casserole he bought from Tim Hortons.

Candy burst inside and screeched about how much hatred she had for DK's idiot face.

"Yes, he is a stupid cretin…" mused Bluster, taking some time to realign because Drake said so because he only loved his bed and his mama.

"I'm sorry!" cried DK as he ran into the factory and offered Candy some chocolates and a sunflower.

"I have hatred for all food and flowers, you ugly ape specimen," said Candy.

"OMIGOSH!" cried Bluster. He looked at how right Candy was. DK was absolutely hideous!

Diddy stepped inside and did his signature finger point. Bluster was struck deeply by the charisma and fell to the ground defeated.

"Shall we bury him?" asked Diddy with a tear in his single Sonic the Hedgehog eye.

"Forsooth," said DK archaically. He took a banana and lay it upon Bluster's corpse. Everyone mourned the benevolent man's passing.

"He used to have nice ears," read Funky from his tablet. He had just arrived from his Scottish golf trip and this news was both shocking and terrible.

King K. Rool even came and he had an agenda against monkeys. "I cannot believe the horrors of mortality!" said the green guy. He blew his nose into his handkerchief, hung it to dry, and watched as it became an angel and fly into the heavens above.

"Any last words?" asked Cranky, taking out his lucky comb and brushing his beard like a saint.

"Yes, I do have a poem for Bluster!" said DK. He got on stage and began to sing.

"_Bluster was a really cool guy._

_I am really sad to hear he has died._

_Bluster had a glorious life._

_But he never had no stinkin' wife._

_That is why love is really great._

_You won't realise this until it's too late._

_Bluster's face was really cool._

_His eyes sparkled like a jewel."_

"That reminds me!" said K. Rool deviously. "Where is the Crystal Coconut?"

Diddy eyed the Kremling Kommander angrily. "If you lay any filthy claws on our treasured item, I will knock your block off!"

K. Rool smiled evilly and took out a taco. He set it on the ground and all of the Kong's could not help but stare at it. While the chimps were distracted, K. Rool and his men tiptoed into Cranky's cabin and seized the Coconut.

"Ha! I have procured my goal object!" laughed K. Rool.

"Not so fast!" said a voice. It was Bluster! He had risen from the dead after believing in all his heart.

"No way!" cried K. Rool as he pocketed the Coconut and pulled out his laser cannon. He tried to kill Bluster, but Bluster had already defeated death today, so he was totes immune.

"Oh dear! He is totes immune!" cried K. Rool. He gave up and the Kong's woke up from their taco trance.

DK marched up to the defeated crocs and Banana Slamma'd them into next Wednesday.

"It's Wednesday, my dudes…" said K. Rool, realising his sealed fate.

"Ironic…" said Palpatine, riding his chariot into the sunset whilst whistling the Andy Griffith Show theme song.

**THE END**

**HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO THE DONKEY KONG CARTOON!**


End file.
